You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
