This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
