Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
