It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
