Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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