beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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