she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
