Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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