Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
