Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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