i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
