new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
