My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
