Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize