I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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