I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
