Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
