He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
