I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
As shirtless as possible
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
