highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize