Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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