Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
