She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
