talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
