$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I will be naked everywhere
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize