she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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