hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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