After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
