david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize