i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
