happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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