Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
