i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
