4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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