Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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