i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize