Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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