I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they're like a gay fantastic four
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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