I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
