The maid of honor just puked.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
