I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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