Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
