I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
