this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
