Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
