the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
