i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
