Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
