Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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