I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
