i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
