The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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