he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
