You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
