My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
