I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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