its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
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I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
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I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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