Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
