woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
