Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
