I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
