I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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