You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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