my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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