even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
