Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
