If i come over, it means nothing
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
