I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize