Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
